Work-life balance
I am asked frequently how do I have three kids and work and not look harried. I am often shocked by the not looking harried part, because I usually am. I think I have perfected the serene/engaged mask. Anyway, to give you some back story. I have three kids, 8 1/2, 6 1/2, & 2 1/2. Yes, all of their birthdays are within the span of two weeks. And yes, since we are not planning on having any more kids, Jon is not allowed to touch me any time during end of February to end of March.
Back to the mothering/working/wifeing mode I try to balance. First of all, there is really no such thing as balance. Usually the pendulum swings back and forth so frequently and with such dramatic force I usually end up seasick. There are phases where I have to fit work into the cracks and my family life takes over and definitely times where I need to fit my family into the cracks and work takes over.
I have the following bits in place that make it feel a little less chaotic.
1. I have resigned myself to the fact that we aren’t going eat super-healthy-home-cooked-meals every night. I think my frequency is about once a week and as the fates would have it, that is usually the night Jon is cooking. Otherwise I have employed a variety of tactics over the years from cooking once a month and then freezing, to go to the “Let’s Dish” type places, to having a theme such as we are grilling out or eating cereal this week. To let’s clear out the cabinets and have surprise meals all week. One of my favorite meals I came up with recently was scrambled eggs with a little salsa and rice cheese (I am not vegan or anything, we just happened to have this in the house) topped on a pita with a side of chips, raw carrot sticks and apples. It was done in all of three minutes. Kids generally ate it. I have learned to put some pretty good marketing spin on stuff around here.
2. I have a nanny and am proud of that fact. The other deal I made with her, is that while z is sleeping in the afternoon, I really need the floors swept and dishes done. Talk about being in my happy place when I come home. But I am also not beating myself up all the time because I have to work. Usually I only have to work 20 hours a week, but there are weeks where that triples and having an amazing support team in place is completely profound. I can lean in to Jon, our nanny, my friends, grace with myself.
3. I don’t ever ever expect perfection. Or that if I set out goals for myself, I have complete freedom to not accomplish those goals.
4. I am really good at saying no. Again, I think I might come across as much more organized and having my crap together than I actually am, therefore get asked a lot to do stuff for organizations, school, etc. If it doesn’t fit in my life or serve my life goals, then it doesn’t make the cut. Sometimes though during slow work times when I feel like I have more space I say yes, and then a month later regret it. So I am definitely still a work in progress.
5. I am content to be a B mom or as Jon puts it a “good-enough” parent. Maybe when the kids don’t live in the house anymore I can finally be an A mom, but I really don’t think I am ever going to be Betty Crocker, Martha Stewart, or whoever. I will always look for shortcuts, I will always end up yelling at my kids at some point during the day, I will not always nurture them as much as they need it, if I am feeling crazy I will always allow myself to use the crutch of tv/computer or send them to their room, I will allow myself earplugs and wine and a bit of rocking on the floor in the kitchen sometimes. I will not usually allow my kids to be in everything they want to be in. But I will always tell them I love them, and I will always try to give them as many hugs as I can throughout their days, I will always try to give them places and space to run around and be crazy, we will always try to travel with them, I will always try to sit down with them even for a couple of minutes to ask them how their day was and what they did and who is their new bff of the day. I will always try to have good music for them, I will always have clothes they can get filthy, I will always try to speak to their heart. Try is my new favorite word which holds promise and grace all in three little letters.
exercise has never been an escape for me, and giving up exercise would be like Lucy giving up bananas (she doesn’t eat them anyway). Shopping became the sand paper that made my life feel a little smoother.